Wednesday, June 11

When you’re old enough to recognize that you’re life is going out of control you’re clearly trying to get control. Sometimes that fight is a miserable and draggy one. Sometimes you’re pumped up, ready to kick some butt. Then there are times that temptations appear in your way and you falter, only to curse later on.

I’m cursing my way right now (not literally of course) for my past discretions that have not done me any good. Instead they have destroyed the every chance I have of being who I want to be. Well, that too is not literal but merely figuratively. Truly I wonder how I could have gone down that wrong, wrong road into the abyss I now stand in.

It was the temptation of the two black boxes (figuratively again) in my life. The one I am currently clicking the keyboard on and the one which is playing Desperate Housewives for my brother to watch. My mother is helping me dispose of one of them soon. My wonderful marks have finally convinced her that I need supervision. Unlike most teenagers, I think I do. Truly and honestly. I wish I could slap myself but it only stings for the moment. The crappy-ness I feel for my stupidity is indeed the worst mental slap of all.

I may come across as being utterly pessimistic. But my dear, I being extremely positive right now. I believe that after every fall comes the time of renewal. Even beautiful phoenixes fall into ashes before being reborn once again. It knows it will have to go through the many flames before it starts anew in order to reach the glory of a beautiful golden plumage. Of course, I am no phoenix but I dream that perhaps, one day I could be.

So, do not pity me but support me. I think with just the right amount of luck, I’ll survive this flames in order to come out renewed.