Wednesday, September 24

maybe it is high time I stop living in the world where I will get whatever I want, whenever I want. Where working has nothing to do with getting what I aim for. Maybe it's all the television I watch where rich brats get the perfect grades and whatnot. But that's not real life. Thank goodness now, light has been shed upon me and I finally see what mistakes I've been making. My mom has decided to let me do "my own thing". I've finally pulled enough heartstrings that the pain was more than enough. I'm not a good daughter. Yet, I pretend that I live in this perfect little bubble where no one can mess with me. But I know how wrong I am. I know in so many ways, I fail to be the child my parents trust and hope I would be. I've got ideals to live up to. I've got dreams. I want to reach the impossible and be that one in the million.

How come I'm not doing what I should be?

How come I see others scoring well and knowing the answers to every question?

How come it is not me doing that?

How come I'm the one watching and not the do-er?

Its all down to attitude. I've been lazing about and ignoring my mother's tears and my father sighs. Haven't I always wanted to be the prize child? Instead, I'm turning into my brother *no offense to Aaron, I love you* and maybe a worse version. I'm busy, yes I note that. But when I'm free, I screw up. I waste the day away like I did today although I skipped school. Mistake after mistake. When am I going to learn that these mistakes don't bring me anywhere except to the same spot I've been in since I've moved here. I'm going around in circles to nowhere. I'm not in the least satisfied with just being here. I need to move on. These feet have got to start walking on the right road, the right direction. That ridiculous compass needs to start pointing me due North.

Where's that yellow brick road to dreams?
I'm taking it.